The Don'ts of Denim

Posted on May 29, 2013 by Tyler Parsons

1. Don’t reach for the cookies! Even though winter is great for comfort food, refrain from inhaling an over-abundance of sweets and fast carbs. If you do not follow this rule serious signs of chaff-age may appear on the inner thighs of your jeans, causing them to become increasingly unsightly as the months go by.

2. Don’t sweat it. Relax, breathe and stop rubbing your hands on your lap, it will create a sweaty bleached imprint on your jeans. Plus no one likes someone who spends too much time with their hands near their crotch.

3. Don’t be a hero. Voluntary or involuntary acts of saving people from fires should be avoided when wearing denim. It will result in some seriously charred threads, so think about it, is it really worth it?

4. Don’t be short. Alternatively, get your jeans taken up. Otherwise your hems will become ripped and soggy. Soggy hems could result in wet socks and feet. Recent studies show a correlation between wet feet and depression. So it’s a slippery slope if you don’t follow this rule.

5. Don’t get dressed in a hurry. Buttons will fly, zippers will break. Not to mention “a something about Mary” fiasco.

6. Don’t be a constant ass scratcher. Holes will appear between your back pockets, and it’s gross

7. Don't eat like a cave dweller. More specifically, don’t use your lap as a plate. Food stains will remain on your jeans and they will eventually smell like garbage.

Posted in The Practice

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